We have two kids, one in second grade, one 4 y.o. He moved out a year after he started an affair with a women who lives four blocks from me. My husband moved 3 blocks down the street.
It has been a year and I should be over this by now. It is hard because I run into them all of the time. Friends and family in the neighborhood have just taken to them like they are the couple of the century. I have tried three therapists and they all say that it is natural that I am having a hard time with this given that it is in my face all of the time. I can't move because of the terms of the custody order. Also, my daughter's school is two blocks away. If I leave this house, I can't afford anything that is less than ten miles away. That means that when I have my daughter, I will have to get her up an hour early and drive 50 minutes to get her to school.
The divorce is pending?Need advice on how to handle an estranged husband I see all of the time. Help?
you can get him for adultry you know?? get you a boyfriend!! seriously rub it in his face to. that is the only way it will be better. people can sugar coat advice all day long but until you get a boyfriend to take your mind off them and to put something on his mind, you will not feel better.Need advice on how to handle an estranged husband I see all of the time. Help?
ask them to move for the well being of the children, also find you a man fast and rub it in there faces, hey pay one if you have to. or you need to find some way of moving. its not fair for you to live like that, your kids either cause it's being rubbed in their faces as well. you did nothing wrong and you should stick it to him in court. you can find them a diffrent school. get mad girl and find away. sell the house and move you deserve so much better than that. so do your kids and your ex husband is a major *** for sleeping with the neighborhooh. there will come a day he will look at you and regret everything he ever did to you but by then it will be to late. you'll have a man in your life that will treat you and your kids like gold. you may even thank your ex asshole for being the jerk he is. many blessing for you and your kids.
Wow the nerve of some men, first, im really sorry your going throught this it must be tough, not to mention you have two little childreen, but I suggest just ignoring them and focus on yourself and your childreen. you will find love again and their time will come, he will pay for what he is doing to you so don't worry about it. if friends and family are treating them like they are the new couple of the century, you might want to reconsider who you call friend. becaue that is shady good luck to you and your life will get better even if it doe'nst seem like it right now
Dear sister!!!!
We are very much pained to go through the sad state of affairs existing in your family.
You said, ';The divorce is pending';. This means except for the final acceptance and sanction of the divorce, you both have been ceased to be husband and wife.
The divorce may get you some legal help. But it is better for you to prepare to plan your life, treating that you have no more link or relationship with him. So where ever he is located or the other woman stays, or what may be thought and commented by the local people, please first prepare mentally that they are no more pertinent to you.
There is no point in getting some kind of therapy to him. I know it is not as easy as saying in this column. But try to make your mind willed to stay away from the man, and try to live yourself. At least there will be clarity in what you think and act.
You haven't mentioned if there are any financial difficulties and whether you can live on yourself.
The man recognizes his mistake after he loses everything in his life. People spoil their gifted lives like this.
Please pray Lord to give you strength, health, resources and courage to plan for the future. Ensure that this will not make any undesired impressions on their minds.
May Lord help you.
Remember, they are the ones who should feel bad, not you. You did nothing wrong. When you see them, it is not necessary to speak to them or even acknowledge them. You only need to speak to your ex when it concerns the children. Pretend that they are strangers and not very nice strangers at that. Hopefully, in time you can move farther away.
First STOP with the therapists. I am assuming you will see him no matter where you live because he is in the kids lives. I know it can be cruel and cold to say get over it but your to have to. Do you go out with friends? Work on your social life, take a class, take up a hobby. Hold your head high, you did nothing wrong HE DID and hopefully he will get whats coming to him sooner than later.
You are singing my song, except my children are grown. My ex and I sometimes share custody of our grandchildren. My ex and I were married 30 years when he announced that God told him to divorce me! Our divorce was six years ago.
I don't struggle with it any longer - that stopped the day I was able to truly forgive him. If I can't forgive, I can't be forgiven. Since then I have had such peach about the entire thing.
I am sure that you have heard the old adage: Kill them with kindness. Well, remember that. Set an example for your children, never speak badly about their father in front of them, when they ask why daddy left - just say that is grown up business, mommy and daddy both still love you as much as ever.
I don't know anything about your faith; but, I am a Christian and the Bible says that when you pray for your enemies you heap coals of fire on their heads...kind of gives you an incentive when it seems impossible ;-)
Don't run away because of this emotional struggle. He will still want to see his children - you will not be able to go far enough away to avoid him. I know, I tried. Your friends live in
your neighborhood as do your children's friends. The children have also been through a great deal, uprooting them and changing schools will only add to their upset.
Give this some time - a year is not enough. Given time you will heal and become a strong person for both yourself and your children.
God bless you
Wow, you are in a tough place. I know it is hard to forgive him, especially after his infidelity. The neighbors are probably wanting the ';scoop'; which is why they are giving him a lot of attention, and it is hard to talk to you because you are the victim.
I would work on the forgiveness aspect of it, even though he has hurt you so badly. If you get rid of that negative energy, you will be free of a lot of stress. I don't mean that you have to invite them over for a barbecue, but I think cultivating an attitude of indifference will help. The neighbors will also find it easier to approach you, if you seem strong and able to cope.
On the positive side, it must be easy to deal with custody of the kids, when dad is right down the street. And he can help with parent teacher conferences, field trips and help out when one of the kids is sick.
Don't allow yourself to be a martyr. Move on and get involved socially with ';parents without partners'; or another singles group where no one knows you. Get out of the house, and stay busy. Sure, therapy is good, but socialization is good, and having a group of friends that understand will help you get things in perspective.
Best of luck. Treat yourself well. You deserve it.
Hold your head up high. You are the bigger and better person. Just keep on going with your life and you will soon be able to let this go. You will meet someone you love and that loves you back, with honesty and respect. You deserve it an it will come. Keep civil with those other two people in your life for the children's sake. Do not seek revenge. The best revenge is to move on to bigger and better things in life.
GOOD LUCK!!
just wish them well (they deserve each other) and get on with your life
So they LOOK like the couple of the year...he who cheats once will cheat again. You know this and no longer have to deal with a man you cant trust. Every time you see them congratulate yourself on now having an honest life. Her day will come, trust me!
time heals....stay friends for the kids sake, but ignore him when they aren't around
No comments:
Post a Comment