My retired parents have an apartment, lil bro (20 in college/works fulltime), %26amp; older brother (31) lives there too. The conflict begins here that my older bro, high school dropout, druggy has with a bad temper %26amp; a bully in the house. My older bro has no tolerance for my dad. My Dad is 68 yrs old, vindictive, pompous, arrogant older grumpy guy, %26amp; have no respect for others. My older bro %26amp; my dad personalities clash on a daily basis. They cant even be in 1room together without exchanging nasty words. I moved out b/c my older bro was verbally abusive to me, %26amp; my parents would not protect me from his abusive behavior. My older bro is a druggy, and and he refuses to go to rehab. During arguments which is everyday, my mom %26amp; my lil bro have to go listen to my older bro %26amp; my dad revengeful drama. My mom wants her boys in the family to take care of my aging parents because they don鈥檛 know where to go. My dad is not capable of working fulltime, his health is poor. My mom stays sick a lot too so she cant work either. My lil bro is stuck between the drama, I cannot help my parents, I鈥檓 broke too %26amp;I live in a different state %26amp; if I move back, I don鈥檛 want to get back to the violence, I escaped it long time ago, %26amp;I promised myself that I would never put myself in abusive situations again. Now I have to watch violence happen to my other family members %26amp; it breaks my heart. When I moved out, I hit rock bottom, I was completely drain monetarily and emotionally. Luckily I had a degree so I went and found a job in another state. My family also ripped me off by opening up cc accounts, cellphone in my name right before I moved out without my knowing. now Im currently undoing that credit mess. I confronted them but they didn鈥檛 have the money to pay me back, and I couldn鈥檛 call the cops because its family so I told them I wont be helping them w/ money anymore because for the last 2 yrs, I have working my butt off , lived paycheck to paycheck JUST to pay off the creditors while supporting myself alone.Domestic violence, need advice, How do I get my older bro and my dad to stop fighting!?
God, sounds like you're in a big pickle there. The only thing that will work with your older brother and Dad is separation. They need to be apart and there's no other way around it. I would tell your dad to force your older brother to leave and if he doesn't, call the police. That apartment is your parents' and they have a right to decide who lives there and who doesn't. I really don't see any other way if you're brother refuses to get help for his drug addiction.Domestic violence, need advice, How do I get my older bro and my dad to stop fighting!?
this is not your problem make a life for yourself.
I would ask your younger brother to move in with you, then at least he could be saved from that situation. I also don't see why your parents don't kick a grown 31 yo man out on his butt.
you have a couple of options,let things continue and someone will get hurt,call the police and let your brother go to jail for awhile and you move back,if you don't want to come back you may have to put both of them in a nursing home.They can't keep living the way they are living.And if your little brother is going to school he don't need the extra stress.
I don't know where you got your degree. But colleges often have low cost or free counseling services available. As an alumni, you could get that service.
Also, look into ';Non Violent Communication'; (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg. His website is: http://www.cnvc.org
You can apply for a scholarship for an IIT training at that website if there is a training in your area.
You can also get some free and very low cost NVC trainings here: http://nvctraining.com/registration/sign鈥?/a>
The second course from the top is free and I highly recommend it.
I think the very best thing you can do is suggest your younger brother move out, maybe with you and continue his studies where you are. He can also work part time to help with bills.
You can't stop your older brother from what he's doing. He's a drug addict, he's not going to listen to reason. Like all addicts he has to hit rock bottom or die before things will change. You might want to call his probation officer, sounds like jail would be a good place for him, before he kills your folks in their sleep.
Otherwise, you can't solve this mess. I know you want to, but resist all urges. You got out, and no matter what it costs you, don't get involved.
Call the United Way and see if there is some kind of family counseling available. The United Way has free and low cost services available. Put a hold on your credit so no one can open accounts in your name. Next time there is trouble at your dad's house, call 911 and have them all arrested. Maybe the court will order them to get Anger Management Counseling. You cannot make them grow up.
first off im very sorry you are still going thru this.... speaking fom experience unfortunately untill YOU say enough is enough you will continue to go thru all this drama! maybe the best thing you can do is realize they are all adults and they will do as they please no matter what you say or do. consider allowing your younger brother to move in with you to help him out of the situation if he wants out. let them know you love them all however for your well being you need to bow out of this drama! you need to protect you (and possible your little bro) but for your well being and mental health cut them off and out of your life. i KNOW this is a hard thing to do however hopefully you will find as i did that after you get used to not talking to them that you are better off and less stressed all the time! feel free to contact me if you would like to talk we seem to have ALOT in common.... bigurl_03@yahoo.com
hun you did the first thing and that was get out, thats the hardest part, your dad reeps what he sows and thats a hard thing to break if you lived life like that most of your life. i was in the same situation only a little different.my step father was physically violent and always took to me and my mother and she used to kick me out from wheni was 5 till about 7 yrs ago,mum used to kick me out instead of him. im a kiwi from nz and if you have seen the movie ';once were warriors thats what i went through, them circles are hard to break. if i was you i would gone and get the little bro and take him with you so he can pursue his career around someone like you, write the big bro off till you think he has totally proven to you that he is the bro he is spose to be, ask your mum if thats the way she wants her life to be like till the end of her days and give your fsther the best growling he had ever expected of you, let them know where you stand. if no one wants to listen and wish tocontinue with the life they lead, do yourself a favour for yours and your future kids sakes if you have non and just live your life to the fullest, you cant live your life in other peoples termoil and selfinflcted pain and suffering and bringing everyone else down with them. i mean hey they are your family and your love is endless for them but your gonna have one of your own one day and do you want your kids to see that **** at a sunday family gathering, hell no. i have been by myself since i was 14 im 31 now, now my mum is screaming for me to come and get her cause she has had enough and regrets what she has done to me. hey i forgave but i'll never forget, you'll forgive but you'll never forget. your older bro is resonsible for his own **** and you cant stop him but you can tell him you love him and your dad, but number 1 is you even if you have kids cause nothing can be done unless you have to do it so you have to take care of yourself first my dear dont let the outsiders fool you, somewhere in someones life they got a few screwed up family members too remember that. no ones perfect.
Sounds like the police may not be the best answer then. How about talking to a minister(both of them) - assuming they both want help.
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